Deep dive

I used to listen to worship music (and cry more often than not) all the time. Music like Jesus Culture and Hilsong. This music amped me up and made me feel close to God. It’s been a couple of years since this music has been in the culture of my life. I have found refuge in liturgy and poetry and hymns, the quiet roots of these truths have found their way deep into my heart. That said, I found myself interrupted today. Interrupted by the loud heart cry of the song below, You Alone by Lauren Daigle. I felt my proud tired heart melt into a beautiful puddle it tears.

I haven’t had a good nights sleep, by good I mean longer than a 3 hour stretch, in months. Sleep depravation is real. Bodin has been sick with a cold for 3 weeks with coughing and congestion that get worse at night. It just so happens he is also 4 months old and having major sleep regression. This has brought me to the end of myself. I thought I was going crazy, I wanted to cry and throw things and take a nap all at the same time. Easy tasks have become impossible. I. Am. So. Tired.

I took yesterday and today off work just to collect myself and find myself again. Sleeping in, yoga at the gym, sitting in silence -buying a super cute new pair of shoes, and listening to this song has felt like a balm of refreshment over my heart and soul.

In all honesty I am still exhausted AND I’m centered. I don’t feel like colapsing in on myself. We are beginning sleep training for Bodin this week so I know I will have more sleepless nights in front of me AND I have grounding to hold myself up. I have an incredible husband who is supportive and tells me to take time off work. I have two moms who watch my sweet boys when I need to collapse and find myself again. I have two healthy boys I get to smoother with kisses.

I am tired and I am full of life (I may need to be reminded of the later).

"You Alone"

When this life has overwhelmed me
And I feel like giving up
I will cling to all You've promised
It will always be enough

When the world around me crumbles
And it's hard to understand
I will run to You, my shelter
I am safe within Your hands
Oh, you are my help forever

I will not fear
God, You are with me
I know You're near
You'll never leave me
I will trust in You alone

When I'm broken in the silence
I can hear You whispering,
"You're not alone here in these trials
I would hold you faithfully."
Oh, you are my help forever

I will not fear
God, You are with me
I know You're near
You'll never leave me
I will trust in You alone

And when my heart and strength have failed me
My God, You won't
Your name is mighty
I will trust in You alone

[3x]
You are a fortress for the weak
The strength that carries me
When I am on my knees
The cross reminds my heart to trust
Your faithfulness and love
Will always be enough

I will not fear
God, You are with me
I know You're near
You'll never leave me
I will trust in You alone

And when my heart and strength have failed me
My God, You won't
Your name is mighty
I will trust in You alone [3x]

I will not fear
God, You are with me
I know You're near
You'll never leave me
I will trust in You alone [3x]