There is really no other way to say it. No one likes pain but we all create it, run from it, blame others for it, and wish it didn't exist. But it does and it sucks.
I naturally want to put pain in my 'bad things that happen' category but it never stays there. I want pain to be bad because it feels bad and it's something I want to hide and not have to bring out and deal with. Pain feels horrible so it should go to the place that all horrible things go; that acceptable place we put stuff. Like paint thinner on the top shelf in the back with the lid on tight so no one can smell it.
My mom used to say, "if you don't have something positive to say than don't say anything at all" when my brothers and I were arguing or name calling. If we wern't going to speak words that bring life then we weren't allowed to talk. Pain feels like words of death so I avoided it like the plague.
Some pain is an alarm that let's us know when something isn't right. In the most obvious sense it let's me know when the direction I am heading in is not a good one and I should redirect course, like a knife cutting my finger instead of the vegetable on the cutting board. When I feel the pain I know the knife is no longer in the produce but in my finger! So in some cases pain is actually...good.
But what about the pain that is brought by an intangible knife? Pain that starts as a tightening in my throat constricting down through my chest until I can hardly breath and the only piece of me that is free are the tears pouring from my eyes. That pain sucks. That is the pain I want to call bad because it's there through the darkest, scariest, loneliest times in my life, through divorce, rejection, betrayal, lies, broken relationships and loss.
Some say pain is the hardest teacher. I say pain is that teacher you hate and want to get all your classmates to sign a petition to get them fired, but then those moments after the excruciating exam when you know you will never forget the lessons somehow win.
I don't have a cute way to wrap this up or have insightful words of wisdom that make pain better. Honestly pain just sucks, especially right now, when I'm in it.
