Discontentment

I have this problem being content. As soon as things begin to have rhythm I start inwardly questioning myself, what am I doing with my life, I want a vacation. This discontentment has followed me in these times for my whole adult life. I wonder if other people feel this way. 

I got to work 45min early this morning, I'm working on the bus system and so far it has me beat. 0 and 1 for community transit -on the upside I'm not late for work. However, this arriving early is what gave space for the discontentment in my heart to surface. If I continue to proactively move from one thing to the next there isn't time for my heart to speak to me and let me know how it really feels. Lately I find that when these times of quiet come unless I am distracted by something that makes these times enjoyable -that sounds backwards but I mean something beautiful to engage my mind or a good book to pick up, unless those are there to help fill the peaceful place I go to this place of sad discontentment. I'm sure it won't last long but those are my musings this April 14th morning.